"Night at the Punk Rock Museum" Features 90 Minutes of Wax Darby Crash Statue Asking Ben Stiller for Beer

May 13, 2023

By Chris Bowen | June 9, 2023

LOS ANGELES. — A new "Night at the Museum" sequel in the works at 20th Century Fox reportedly takes place in the newly opened Punk Rock Museum and dedicates a large amount of screen time to a wax figure of Darby Crash coming to life and incessantly asking characters for booze, several spiky haired sources report.

"With this film, I’m revolutionizing the ‘Museum’ series by mixing its outlandish premise with a more believable plot," explained Shawn Levy, the film's director. "Don't worry. It's not all about the Germs. We also have a scene where the Johnny Rotten statue comes to life to talk about his admiration of Donald Trump. I have a good feeling about this one. Kids and parents alike will be muttering the phrase ‘Circle One’ all summer long. Plus, we already have plans for a ‘Night at the Museum of Sex’ follow-up movie when a couple of dildos come to life at 2 a.m. and fuck the shit out of the loveable security guard."

Lead actor Ben Stiller was slightly apprehensive about starring in the upcoming sequel.

"I would never have agreed to do this project, but I had signed a 15-movie deal for the ‘Night at the’ series in 2005 and I can't get out of it. Believe me, I tried," Stiller said. "I mean, a 10-minute scene of my character helping Darby rummage through ash cans looking for smokable cigarette butts? I’m not exactly sure how all this is appropriate, but I guess we had that one scene in the first movie where Teddy Roosevelt shot a few Egyptian pharaohs in the face for fun."

Punk historian Randal "Skuzz D" Bloodgood talks about how famous punks and film franchise crossovers aren't exactly a new phenomenon.

"The punk rock/children's movie crossover has been the go-to money maker for movie studios ever since the genre's inception in the late ‘70s," Bloodgood said. "How can anyone forget Dee Dee Ramone's character of the strung-out male prostitute in ‘Babe: Pig in the City’? Who wouldn't remember the depiction of Henry Rollins in any of the ‘Shrek’ films? Punks in Hollywood are back, only to inevitably die out, then become commercial again, then die once more."

At press time, the actor who played Darby Crash was asked to reprise the role in a Broadway version of "Decline of the Western Civilization."